; THE RULES OF RURAL MINNESOTA ARE AS FOLLOWS :
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; 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
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; 2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
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; 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a
; pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
; going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
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; 4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny
; to you. But they smell like money to Minnesota farmers. Get over it.
; Don't like it? I-94 goes east and west, pick one.
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; 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. Grain farmers have
; $350,000 combines that they drive only 3 weeks a year.
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; 6. So every person in rural Minnesota waves. It's called being
; friendly. Try to understand the concept.
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; 7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are
; coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
; don't have it up to your ear at the time.
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; 8. Yeah, we eat potatoes, gravy, venison and pasties. You really want
; sushi and caviar? It's available at Jim's bait shop...
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; 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
; religious holiday in November.
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; 10. We open doors for women. That ap plies to all women, regardless of age.
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; 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or
; you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
; turkey.
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; 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
; vegetables, and breads. We use three seasonings - salt, pepper, and
; ketchup. Oh, yeah....We don't care what you city folks call that
; stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
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; 13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and
; served over ice.
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; 14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be homegrown,
; cute, knows how to shoot, drive a truck, and she better have long
; hair..
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; 15. College and high school football/basketball are as important here
; as the Lions and the Pistons .... and more fun to watch.
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; 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
; it spooks the fish.
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; 17. Colleges? We have them all. We have State Universities ,
; Community Colleges, and Voc-techs. Folks come outta there with an
; education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
; everybody when they come for the holidays.
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; 18.Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
; music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
; your boxers. Refer back to #1.
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; 19. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive in
; it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and
; bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska . Worst case you
; may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with
; snowplows will have you out the next day.
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; 20. By the way.... if you want to talk to God in Minnesota , it's a
; local call.
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